I’m a big girl now

I’m a big girl now

I woke up and Daddy was clearly looking at me angrily. It always makes me feel so small and insecure, even though I felt so grown-up last night. Daddy kept staring at me intently, looking angry and disappointed. Stammering, I asked what was wrong, but even as I asked, I could already sense the problem… I quickly apologised to Daddy, but Daddy was determined: today I was going to be punished.

Daddy told me that I had to go to the toilet like that — not now, but later when he clearly gave the order. My body, which had already been trained to listen to Daddy, immediately started to get ready. I felt my bowels rumbling and my bladder making it clear that they thought it was a good idea of Daddy’s to go to the toilet. Daddy just hadn’t said what time we’d go, only that we’d go later. Daddy was clearly enjoying himself; my body’s immediate obedience to him made things difficult for me, because now I really did need to go to the toilet. I had to prepare breakfast for Daddy; today he fancied a fried egg with cheese and ham. When that was ready and I’d placed it on the table for him, I was allowed to go to the toilet to relieve myself.

I came back from the toilet and Daddy had already finished eating. I cleared the table for him and he gave me an apple for breakfast. He walked away and told me that, when I was ready, I had to wait for him, kneeling neatly beside the table. I quietly ate my apple, tidied everything away and sat kneeling neatly beside the table, waiting for Daddy to come. Daddy, who could follow everything I was doing via the cameras (not because he didn’t trust me, but precisely to see if everything was going well, to be able to give me instructions or, conversely, to make things more difficult for me), had long since seen that I was ready. He sat there quietly enjoying the view on his screen for a moment.

After a few minutes, he came over to me, told me to take off my clothes and kneel down again: legs apart with my hands behind my neck. Daddy asked me if I wanted to tell him why I was being punished today, but I had to keep looking at him while I told him what I’d done wrong. Daddy looked at me disappointedly; I felt myself shrinking smaller than small and began to stammer. Daddy told me to be a big girl — because that’s what I was last night when I started making my own decisions — and to tell him what was going on without stammering. I looked at Daddy and said that I’d accidentally forgotten to take my knickers off before going to bed. Daddy asked when it was actually allowed to wear knickers in bed, and I replied: “Only when it’s that time of the month.”