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Preview from chapter one
Legend Of The Great Shanky Stank
Well boys, jest sit back in them chairs right there, ‘n let me tell ya all abo’t the great big Shankie Stank! Once a long time ago, I worked over on a hillside called Bank Mountain, no kiddin’. The place I worked at was called the Shankie Screw. Don’t that sound, in all of them words., just kind of.., ring a bell with ya in the breast there? Ya know what I mean, here? Hooowl now! (The audience falls out) I’m about to die from laughin’, and jest started tellin’ ya this damn story here! That’s bad of me tonight, don’t ya good people reckon?
My big boss's name was Larry Swank. He was a medium sized man who kinda walked with a wobble, like a drunk shit ass duck trying to walk on hot sand, an’ pick a booger out his nose at the same time; if you good folks here tonight can even picture such a thing now. He had a nose so damn long I always felt if he tried to eat pussy, he probably couldn’t keep from shovin’ it up her icehole at the same time. Or better yet, maybe she got her kicks like that, and let him flip flop her over, from side to crusty side. How’s that for makin’ the best from an uncomfortable situation, eh?
Ole Larry, my ex-boss there, had an assistant. Her name was Belinda Scank. She was near ‘bout as damn big as Larry’s own sow was. Her ice was so damn wide, I swear four men could O’ climbed up on that thing now, and had a plenty O’ room to hunch at the same damn time. She was so ugly I don’t believe she ever combed her bangs down, ‘cause her hair kept jumping back up to stay out O’ her Zeuse-damned face! All around the whole job site we used to hear everybody say the nasty sow was a real whore from hell, believe it or not. But I could never figure out how. I mean, were they drunk? Please people here — you would have had to see this female monstrosity to believe it! It really was that bad now.
One of the men there on the job actually claimed he went with big booty, Belinda, for awhile, no? She had some big booty breath to go with that great big nasty ice too, let me tell ya all about it now! I honestly don’t see how the poor man stood being around her, personally. She sure must have had some good pussy for him to overlook that thing’s shortcomings , is all I got to say! When I was around her I couldn’t tell whether it was her belly churnin’ smell, or if she'd actually taken a shit, to tell the truth about it. Maybe that was the problem thinkin’ back on it; maybe she took a shit rather than left it, like she was supposed to. I honestly never could figure it out, myself. (crowd applause)