Free Sample
Preview from chapter one
I didn’t agree right away.
Marina had been talking about it for several months. At first carefully, as if testing whether the conversation could bear the weight of the subject. Then more directly. She never pushed. She simply waited. And there was something heavier in that waiting than in any request. I could see it mattered to her. Not a whim. Not a passing desire. Something she had carried long enough for it to become part of her.
I was afraid. Not of Mark. Not of the sex itself. I was afraid of what would remain afterward. Of what I would see in her eyes when it was over. Of what I would see in myself.
One evening, lying in the dark, she brought it up again — quietly, without pressure. I was silent for a long time. Then I said only one word:
“Okay.”
She didn’t celebrate out loud. She just moved closer and rested her head on my chest. I felt her breathing tremble. At that moment I still didn’t understand that I had agreed not only for her.
We found Mark on a dating site. The messages were calm, without unnecessary heat. He didn’t rush. He didn’t ask too many questions. When we finally met in the hotel bar, he was exactly as he had seemed in the messages — collected, attentive, slightly reserved. He looked at Marina longer than at me, but without arrogance. More with the interest of a man used to noticing details.
We drank whiskey. The conversation moved slowly. Sometimes it fell silent. In those pauses I caught Marina’s eyes — she seemed to be checking whether I already regretted it. I answered with a short nod. For now I still could.
Then we went down to the pool. The water was warm. Under the surface everything became simpler. Mark was the first to touch her waist. She didn’t pull away. I swam up from the other side and placed my palm on her back. She turned. There was no question in her eyes. Only a quiet “Are you still here?” I nodded. The three of us stood almost motionless. Only water and breathing.
When we went up to the room, the door closed softly. Marina was the first to take off her dress. Not theatrically. She simply took it off. Mark undressed calmly. I stood by the wall and felt my heart pounding in my throat. The fear was still there, but now it mixed with something else — a sharp attention to everything that was happening.